After the fire, everything was falling apart yet everything kept on working. It was hard, very hard. I cried a lot. You have to trust Hashem, let Him into your life and understand that just because it looks bad doesn’t mean it is bad.
My children are the most special children in the world. Maybe I feel that because they came through so many nissim. I would go through any fire to have my Shira Bracha. It was worth all the difficulties to have them. My treatments were so hard and then four months ago, we had twins.
Hashem doesn’t owe us anything, that’s not it works. We have so much that we forget and become angry and ungrateful, looking at what others have. Even after nissim, we forget, so Hashem has to keep reminding us to appreciate what He’s given us. I feel such a sense of joy and pleasure. Hashem is so good to us. My children bring me such happiness.
Every person who is waiting for something comes to a place where they make peace with what they don’t have because the pain is too great to feel all the time. That can prevent us from praying. When I was waiting for children, I got to the point where I started to make peace with the fact that I wouldn’t have children. I thought that G-d was punishing me, I’m either a terrible person or I will be a terrible mother, that’s why He won’t give me children.
But then I realized that Sarah didn’t have children, was she not good enough?! It’s a constant struggle but eventually, I realized that of course Hashem loves me, who says I need to deserve? Does anyone deserve?! That’s not how it works, no-one deserves, it’s a relationship.
A few years ago, I thought I would never have children. Now I have twins! I feel that Hashem gave me an extra treat.
People tell me it must be so hard to have twins and deal with my older two during corona. That’s not how I feel at all. I see my children as a blessing. We don’t realize how much of a blessing children are, my children are the biggest treat!
Sometimes we feel stuck and when salvation comes, we realize why we had to wait, why it had to happen this way. It’s a chizuk.
Don’t give up. Hashem has His ways. He is much bigger than we think. If we open up our eyes, we’ll see Hashem everywhere. My last IVF finished 1 week before all IVF in Israel closed for corona. Hashem has it all worked out perfectly. It’s ok to cry and be sad, but don’t give up. Hashem has His ways, and He loves you.